Do You Still Love Me?
by Thera90
Summary: Sequel to Stay Away from my Heart. Drusilla returns to Sunnydale and is not happy to find her Spike in the slayer’s arms. What will she do about it? Will Buffy manage to keep Spike? And when something terrible happens to him what ... more
1. Chapter 1

**Do You Still Love Me?**

**Rating: **T

**Summary: **_Sequel to Stay Away from my Heart._ Drusilla returns to Sunnydale and is not happy to find her Spike in the slayer's arms. What will she do about it? Can Buffy manage to keep Spike? And when something terrible happens to him what will Buffy do when she realises Drusilla is the only one she can turn to for help but at a dreadful price?

Season two-ish, but Angel has his soul returned and has already gone to LA.

**Disclaimer: **The show Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all of its characters belong to Mutant Enemy, & Fox Prod and Joss Wedon.

**A/N: This is a sequel to Stay Away From My Heart, if you haven't read it pls go read that one first : ) **

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**Chapter 1 **

"Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike…. Stop that!" Buffy squealed, squirming in his lap as he nibbled her ear. "I'm trying to watch the movie!"

Xander made a chocking sound. "Please god, don't make me witness this." He threw popcorn at Spike who caught in his mouth and smirked. "Why does fangface have to be here?"

"Well, you're the one who invited me to your movie night thing," Buffy reminded Xander, "and if I come, Spike comes."

"Stupid pet vampire." Xander muttered.

Spike and Buffy had been together for three months now, and they were enjoying every moment. Spike had found a nice little crypt in the cemetery nearby which he had made his home and spent his days sleeping, and each night he would spend with Buffy.

Spike had heard talk about a "master vampire who had become the slayers lapdog" and who now betrayed his own kind by slaying them along with her. But he didn't care what they said, it was true, he did betray his kind, but he was happy as long as he got to kill something once in a while. He loved Buffy so much; he didn't care if there were demons and vampires who thought he had become 'tamed' by the slayer. All that mattered was that he had her.

Spike growled possessively and pulled Buffy closer in his arms, kissing her.

"Ahhhh! My eyes! My eyes!" Xander wailed.

Spike smirked. It was so fun to torture the boy. He pulled away reluctantly. "Its nearly sunrise pet, I better be heading back."

"Awww…don't go yet Spikey…."

"Aw, yes what a shame," Xander began to usher Spike out the door, "so nice of you to come, now goodbye."

Buffy followed Spike outside to see him off.

"I think its great," Willow said to Xander. "I admit at first I wasn't too happy to see Buffy with another vampire boyfriend, however, I've never seen her happier than she has been in the last few months."

"But why does it have to be Spike?" Xander complained, though he really didn't mind that much. Sure Spike was annoying, but sometimes it was fun to have the bleached blond vampire around, and Spike had saved Xander from becoming another vampire's dinner during patrol with Buffy on more than one occasion.

A loud _THUMP_ interrupted his thoughts.

"What was that!?" Xander asked Willow nervously.

She smiled slightly. "I believe that was Spike thrusting Buffy against the door as he kissed her."

Xander cringed. "I wish I didn't ask." He left the room to go throw-up.

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Spike walked through the graveyard grinning to himself as he thought about the slayer.

Life was good.

Something made him stop in his tracks…what was that? His senses tingled… something familiar….

_Oh no…_

He looked up – there, in the distance. A dark haired girl wearing a long white dress, flowing softly around her in the breeze.

"Spike, my sweet." The whispered words floated hauntingly towards him. He shivered.

"Dru?" he hadn't thought about her in months, and truthfully, things were going so well between Buffy and him that he didn't want to start thinking about her now. Looking at her, she looked the same as she had been, frail, gentle, soft…but he knew it was deceiving. He felt a twinge of old affection, like the fond but nearly forgotten memories of a past lifetime, but that's all it was.

Drusilla glided over to him. "What has she done to you, my Spike? What has that naughty slayer done?" she growled. "Bad slayer, I'm going to have to teach her a lesson."

"You won't touch her, Dru," Spike said sternly.

Drusilla glided one hand slowly up his arm, all the way up to the side of his face where she stroked his cheek gently. "I couldn't bear to lose another one of my loves to _her,_" her voice was a mixture of tearfulness and anger. "My Angel won't let me come near him anymore…"

"Dru," Spike said softly, feeling sorry for his sire. "Sunnydale's not the place for you. Why don't you go to Prague, you've always liked it there. I'm sorry that things have changed between us…. well actually I'm not sorry. I'm glad. " His tone grew angry as he remembered how Drusilla had thrown herself at Angel the minute he had lost his soul.

"Will you come with me Spike? To Prague?" she said dreamily.

"No."

"Fine." Her eyes flashed. "Then I'm not leaving Sunnydale until you're with me."

Spike blinked and she was gone.

He shook his head…great. Just what he didn't need. He wondered how Buffy would react if she found out his ex was back in Sunnydale, but he didn't intend on letting her find out.

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Spike woke up the next night languorously, smiling to himself, having had a wonderful dream about his slayer, involving some kinky bondage game…

"Your thinking about her, aren't you? Naughty, naughty Spike."

His eyes snapped open. "Dru? What the!"

His arms and legs were tied up to the posts at the end of the old bed he had found at the dump and brought into his crypt. Drusilla was sitting next to him, brushing Miss Edith's hair and humming softly.

"Miss Edith says you need help Spike, she says your calling to me to free you from the slayer's poison."

"Your mad, Dru." Spike was beginning to wonder how he had ever put up with her crazy talk for so long.

"But how?" Drusilla leaned over him, her eyes inches from his. "How do I remove this vile essence that now surrounds and infiltrates you?" Her eyes lit up. "I know…I can hear it now…I'll torture the slayer out of you! I'll make you remember how sweet the pain can be…" she giggled in delight.

"My Spike," she continued in almost a whisper, as she slowly dragged her nails down his bare chest drawing blood. "Do you remember the sweet screams of the victims we tortured together? The intoxicating taste of fear in their blood?" she trailed her tongue slowly up his chest, cleaning the blood off his skin, savouring the taste.

Spike cringed and struggled at the ropes that bound him. He didn't want to remember his past with her; he wanted to forget it all and create a new life with Buffy.

"We had centuries of fun together darling," Drusilla climbed on top of him digging her nails into his arms, drawing more blood. "The slayer is too _pure _for you Spike, I know what your really like…I know what you yearn for…you can't ignore your dark side… its begging to be released…it wants to bathe in the blood of humans…"

Without warning she slapped him hard in the face. "Show me your demon Spike, show me your true self."

Spike glared at her, "I'm more than just a demon Dru. Maybe you can't understand that, but Buffy can."

Her rage seemed to increase tenfold at the sound of Buffy's name. A holy water vial appeared in her hand. "Lets _BURN_ the purity out of you, my Spike. Then we can play together again!" she laughed wickedly as she poured a scorching trail of holy water down his chest. Spike roared in pain and knew it was only the beginning…

--------------

"Where is he?" Buffy wrung her hands nervously. "He was supposed to come here tonight."

"Relax Buffy," Willow said gently. "Maybe he's still sleeping. You know, your relationship has been very intense, you don't have to spend _every single _night together Buffy. You have other things to concentrate on too, like slaying and school work."

"Willow, we don't spend _all _night together…" Buffy said, becoming a bit defensive. She sighed. "I can't help it, seeing him is what I look forward to everyday…and I feel so lonely when he's not around…" she saw the crushed look on Willows face. "Oh! Willow, I didn't mean – ah, what I mean is…."

"It's okay Buffy. I'm just worried you know, you have been through a lot, and sometimes, I think if relationships are too intense, especially to start off with, when a sudden change occurs, the people in the relationship can't handle it…and things fall apart before you know what even happened. I don't want to see you get hurt Buffy, especially after how happy you have been lately. I'm just saying I think you should take things slower with Spike okay?"

Buffy narrowed her eyes. "You have no idea what my relationship with Spike is like Willow. This isn't your average boy and girl relationship. For one thing, I'm the slayer and he's a vampire. My relationships have never been normal so I don't think normal rules apply!"

Willow just looked at her worriedly.

"Hmmph." Buffy huffed, "Well I'm heading over to Spike's crypt now. See you later."

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The door to the crypt smashed open just as Drusilla was starting to pour the next bottle of holy water over Spike's chest.

"SPIKE!" shouted the slayer. "How DARE you stand me up! I'm so going to kick your ass big time –." She broke off short as she heard his scream of pain. "Spike?"

Buffy raced further into the crypt, her heart pounding in fear, wondering what she would find…

She gasped. "You!" Of all things, seeing Dru there wasn't what she had expected.

Buffy felt her blood boil. "Get away from my boyfriend!" She grabbed Drusilla roughly and threw her against the opposite wall.

Drusilla smashed into it, hissing in pain. She got up slowly, laughing, but her eyes showed her anger. "Don't interfere in what you don't understand deary."

Buffy put her hands on her hips. "There's nothing more pathetic than a girl who just can't see when a guy has MOVED ON. Spike's not your puppy anymore. He's mine now, and no one messes with my boyfriend!"

Drusilla stalked over to the slayer, and grabbed her neck in a surprisingly crushing grip, smashing her up against the wall. Buffy was taken off guard, not expecting the frail looking vampiress to be so strong. She gasped for air, but Dru's hand only tightened, her nails digging into the slayer's flesh.

Spike struggled at his ties, trying to get free, but remaining silent as he tried to recover from the pain of the burn marks the holy water had left on his chest.

"Listen to me little girl, you understand _nothing _of the love I share with my Spike. It goes far beyond what you call a relationship. I sired him. We are linked by a blood tie. No one can break a bond like that, no one, not ever! You will _never _be enough for him, you could never make him truly happy!" Drusilla's voice grew softer, and she some of the anger had left it. Now she sounded almost mournful. "Don't you care about Spike's happiness? Your mortal life is like a blink in his immortality. You will grow old, and eventually die, leaving Spike alone for eternity. Vampires and humans don't mix, its better to leave him alone now than cause more pain."

Buffy stopped struggling, staring at Drusilla with wide eyes. It had never occurred to her, she had never though about the future. She guessed because she was the slayer, she was used to living in the moment. But what Drusilla said was true…it set off a thousand questions in Buffy's mind. What would Spike do if she died and he was still alive? Would he stay alone and unhappy for eternity? She couldn't bear the thought of leaving him like that. Or worse, would he return to Drusilla and just forget about her? Could he do that? After all, he had loved Dru once. Probably as much as he claimed to love Buffy now. Her heart twisted, and she couldn't stand that thought.

"You've broken up my happy family. First my angel, and now my spike." Drusilla voice was filled with venom one more, but Buffy interrupted her whining.

"I'll tell you what Dru," she said kicking her as hard as she could in the midsection, causing the vampiress to reel back and release her. "How bout' I stake you and relieve everyone's misery?"

Buffy whipped her stake out of her waistband. "Oh I'm _so _going to enjoy this."

"BUFFY NO!"

Buffy whipped around, taken back by the desperate shout. Spike was staring at her, his eyes wide with fear. "No Buffy! Don't stake her."

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_Please review, and I shall add more chapters if wanted : ) _


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"What?!" Buffy couldn't believe her ears.

"Don't stake her." Spike repeated. He glared at Drusilla. "Get out of here, Dru. Now."

"Fine." She snarled. "But I wont let the slayer get off lightly for taking away my men."

Then she was gone.

Buffy turned back to Spike, livid. "What the hell was that? I was about to stake her!"

"Is she just another vampire to you?" Spike asked. "Is that all?"

"What is she supposed to be?"

"She's a part of my history... She's still a part of _me_."

"History is history Spike, your ex shouldn't still be hanging around, collecting dust."

Spike clenched his teeth. "You know, I didn't think you could be that cold hearted. Dru's not some kind of fledging. She's a master vampire, and she's still part of me…"

"She's _evil _Spike, are you saying that's what you are? Should I stake you too?"

"All I'm saying Buffy, is that I thought there would have been a little bit of hesitation. A little more consideration from you about how it would make me feel. It's one thing not to have someone in your life…or unlife anymore, but it's another to know they are gone completely. To lose someone I spent so much time with, so many years, to lose them so quickly, with no warning, to such a simple ending…well it just doesn't feel right."

There was a long silence.

Spike finally broke it. "Untie me please."

"Maybe she was right." Buffy burst out, not done with him yet. "Maybe Dru was right…. maybe this can't work. Perhaps it never could."

She seemed to be talking to herself now. "Oh god, I am so stupid. What was I thinking? Of course it couldn't work. Me human, you vampire…"

"Buffy…" Spike looked at her in anguish. "Don't start thinking that way…don't listen to those things she said, pet. You know you're not an ordinary human. None of the normal 'rules' should apply. Isn't your policy about living in the now?"

Buffy wasn't listening. " 'Pet'…I've heard you call Drusilla 'pet'. Do you call all girls that Spike? Is that what you think of me? Your 'pet' that can easily be replaced?"

"It's not like that Buffy and you know it."

"Fine." She stalked over to him, undoing the ties around his wrists roughly. "Then just answer me this. Do you still love her?"

Spike was speechless for a moment and all he could do was open and close his mouth, shocked. Finally he said, "….no, I don't. It's you I love."

"Too long." Buffy snapped. Without a further word she turned and ran from his crypt.

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"Buffy!" Willow exclaimed as she heard Buffy's tearful voice on the phone. "What's wrong?"

"I think he still love's her Willow. I think Spike still loves Drusilla."

"Buffy…." She could hear Willow sigh over the phone. "Buffy…I can't tell you how Spike feels about Drusilla, but I do know one thing, even if he does still have feelings for her, he cares about you a lot, that much is obvious. So you have to ask yourself, would you rather end it now over jealously, or look at what you do have and try to make things work?"

"Gee, Willow. When did you become so wise in love matters?" Buffy asked, her tone lightening.

"I'm not, Buffy. I'm just commenting from a third person's point of view. Every girl needs a friend to do that for her. Buffy…you have to decide, is it enough to love someone who loves you back, even if they also have feelings for another?"

Buffy felt a twist in her heart.

"And Buffy…remember Angel…you can't deny that you still feel a lot for him, can you? But you don't want to be with him, you want Spike. Maybe that's exactly the case with how Spike feels about Drusilla."

"And maybe it's not." Buffy said quietly, almost to herself. In truth, there was a teeny part of her that feared she would never be good enough for Spike that she couldn't compete against all those years he had with Drusilla. Spike thought that she regarded his ex-lover as nothing but an inhuman, evil fiend, but the truth was, sometimes, Buffy almost forgot that. Sometimes, she actually thought of Drusilla as human, as someone who had spent all those years with Spike…as someone who she couldn't compete against. To think of Drusilla as simply a vampire would have been easier. She was a slayer and naturally regarded herself above demons. But, she didn't regard herself better than Spike, and…. Drusilla…. forgetting sometimes in her mind that she was a vampire…. that scared her a lot.

"Thanks Willow, talking to you helped a lot." Buffy said, forcing herself to sound happy.

It was no use moping about. Willow was right, she shouldn't start jumping to conclusions so rashly, and she shouldn't let herself become hurt by this so easily.

"Still…" she muttered as she walked to her room and pulled out her chest filled with weapons. "Just because I didn't kill you tonight," she eyed an especially pointy stake, "doesn't mean I don't plan to, _Dru._"

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_The next afternoon…_

Drusilla stood at the top of a rugged cliff, a heavy black, hooded cape covering her from head to toe, a little smoke escaping where the sun had managed to creep in and burn her skin. A deep amber amulet hung from her neck, glowing slightly.

It was still daylight, and it was very risky for her to be here, but she needed to perform this ritual at the exact time of sunset, the exact moment that the sun bled into the horizon and the darkness of the night began to engulf it.

She closed her eyes, inhaling slowly. "Yesss! I can feel it…the power…the strength…. its here." She clapped her hands in delight. "Quickly, quickly now."

Drusilla sprinkled the dust of ground bones and a number of other, unknown substances over the edge of the cliff while she murmured some ancient words. The last rays of sunlight scorched her hand, but soon it would be night.

"Rise my pretties. Rise." The amulet began to emit a deep emerald green light.

There seemed to be a shifting in the earth, and then with a loud crunching sound, a large clump of dirt and rock exploded from the wall of the cliff. Soon more rocks and rubble burst forth. Long black-fingered hands clutched at the empty air, or crumbled the rock, grasping, grabbing... scrambling out from the earth. Slowly, slowly, the demons emerged and began to climb, long limbs extending over their heads, muscles bunching and rippling, thin bones betraying their strength.

Drusilla looked down as the first hand reached the edge of the cliff and soon the head appeared, a huge grin filled with too many jagged teeth, smiling at her, it's one larger eye spinning with colours.

"Misssstreesss." The demon bowed. "You have rissssen me. I am at your sssservice."

Soon, ten identical Erimoir demons were at her feet, looking up at her, waiting for orders.

"The slayer." Drusilla whispered. "I don't care how you do it, how many of you go at one time, but find her and kill her! Do not fail me. Kill the slayer!"

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_Another chapter:)_ _Sorry if this one was kinda short, next one will be longer! pls review : D_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Hey Spikey," Buffy leaned in to kiss him. "Ready for patrol? Oh…by the way, how's your chest? Still sore from what that _bitch _did?"

Spike flinched. "I'm fine. It's almost healed…"

"Good. Let's go kill some nasties then."

Spike frowned as he grabbed his duster and followed her out the crypt on their nightly patrol. He could have sworn that Buffy was upset the other night, especially when she just left like that. He knew that women didn't tend to get over things quickly either, yet, she seemed perfectly happy today. Well, if that's how it was, who was he to complain?

_Women. I'll never understand them. _

One good thing about fighting on her side now was that he actually got to fight. Aside from the slayer, no humans were a challenge. One punch and they were knocked out. Boring.

Yes, fighting other demons was invigorating, exciting. So many different forms and varieties…different challenges, he never knew what he might face next.

"Not many baddies lurking out tonight." Spike observed, disappointed.

Buffy frowned. What luck, just when she was killing for some action. If this kept up she would have to challenge Spike to a fight instead…

Spike was about to suggest they go to the Bronze and check if there were any vamps lurking around over there, when he heard it.

"SSSsssslayer."

_Why did that lisp sound familiar? _

"Oh goody, a bad g–" Buffy froze, her eyes growing wide as a demon she recognised very well stepped out in front of her. "E…Erimoir. I k-killed you."

Buffy started to shake, remembering what Erimoir had done to her. She began to back away and bumped right into Spike. Her blood ran cold as suddenly, five more Erimoir demon's appeared. "No…." She turned to Spike. "Let's run!"

"Buffy! Wait!" Spike shouted as she took off.

"Buffy!" Spike panted, trying to keep up with the slayer as she ran like the hounds of hell were at her heals. He looked over his shoulder, and it seemed the Erimoirs were still a way back. Spike grabbed Buffy and pulled her behind a large gravestone.

"Buffy, luv." he watched as her chest rose and fell rapidly as she tried to catch her breath, and she looked up at him with frightened eyes.

"Buffy…." He tucked a strand of hair behind her ears. "Buffy…I'm so sorry. Buffy…I didn't realise you were still… traumatised over what that demon did to you. But don't let what happened make you overestimate their power. That first time…we were unprepared. Didn't know how to kill him, and I shouldn't have left you alone, even for a second…"

"Oh Spike, stop blaming yourself." Annoyance took over some of her fear. "If it weren't for you I wouldn't still be here."

"What I'm saying now Buffy is that we know how to kill them. Jab them in that freaky eye. It shouldn't be too hard, it's so big."

"Hey! You're so right. Why was I running?" she felt her face heat up. _I guess it was just a unconscious reaction …for a second I thought it was the same Erimoir…It never occurred to me that there could be more of them. _

"Let's go get them!" she grinned and Spike grinned back, grabbing her hand and they ran back towards where the demons were.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Buffy screamed as she bumped right into one of the demons, having been unaware of how close they had gotten. For some reason the demon gave her no spidery senses…it was like he wasn't even there. Or maybe she just needed practice.

Buffy kicked the demon as hard as she could in the kneecap hearing it crack and seeing the leg bend inwards. Some thick black fluid came gushing out.

"Eww!"

"What are these thing's made of?" Spike called to her as he struggled to take on three of them. "It's like hitting concrete."

"We don't want you, petty vampire. Sssstand asssside. It isss the ssssslayer we're after," they snarled.

Buffy wished she could beat every single one of the demons to a bloody pulp and just keep pounding them over and over again and again till there was nothing left except the blood on her hands. She was filled with fury over that place she had been sent to... almost going to some hell dimension…that was something she could never forget. She still woke up some nights, thinking that her nightmares were real and she wouldn't wake up. But there were too many of the demons here now, she was strong, but she couldn't take her time with them all.

Buffy grabbed her stake and jabbed it into the demon's eye. She stood back, waiting for it to die. Instead, she watched as the stake slowly sank into its eye, some black and green goop oozing out and dripping down its face. The demon licked up some of the foul substance with a long black tongue.

Buffy stared in amazement. Her stake had sunk into the demon's eye and now it was looking at her perfectly undamaged.

"W-what?"

The demon backhanded her sending her sprawling.

"Buffy!" Spike cried and tried to run to her, but he was surrounded.

"Spike, I tried to kill him – staking the eye didn't work!" her voice rose in panic as more of the demons appeared, advancing on her.

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"Buffy!" Giles cried in alarm as the slayer staggered through the doorway of his home, her face swelling in a bruise, blood dripping down her arms, her ankle swollen from where she had twisted it as she tried to escape.

"What have you done to her?" Giles glared at Spike who followed, looking equally as battered.

"Bloody hell watcher. Why do you always expect me to suddenly turn on her? 'sides, even if I did, I wouldn't be left standing." He smiled weakly.

"What happened Buffy?" Giles asked as helped her to the couch and went to get a first-aid kit.

"Erimoir. The demons. There are more of them. Lots. They are strong and I don't know how to kill them. Spike and I tried to fight them, but there were too many. They are too powerful, and we only just managed to escape. Giles, I don't know what to do."

"It's okay Buffy, get some rest so you can heal. Spike, you better go rest too. I'll do some research."

"Are you sure your okay Buffy?" Spike had been asking her all the way to Giles's house, as she had refused to let him carry her.

"I'm fine, Spike."

"Okay, well I'm going to go back to my crypt, I'll see you tomorrow night."

"No! You can't go back! They might still be there, in the cemetery."

Spike shook his head. "It's nearly sunup. I have to get back, don't worry; I'll go a different way. Besides…they weren't after me Buffy. They were after you."

He left before she could stop him.

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Spike stumbled into his crypt, aching all over. _All I need is some bourbon and a little lie down and I'll be right as rain. _

He froze when he saw a small doll propped up next to where he slept.

"Miss Edith wanted to visit Spike," a voice giggled.

"Dru." Spike snarled, a bad feeling washing over him. "Dru," he whipped around and she was there. "You did it didn't you." His voice was filled with fury. "You summoned them. You sent them after Buffy."

"Rrrruf," Dru barked at him, like a dog. "Naughty Spike, still thinking about the slayer."

"Dru, I will kill you if you harm her. Call your demons off."

"But they are my pets Spike….you left me…you left me all alone…."

"Dru…" he couldn't help feeling a twinge of sympathy. "Dru, I only left you because you turned against me! You turned to Angel and away from me. Hell, you almost let Angel kill me with that demon…"

"Spike," her eye's glistened. "That was because even then you were thinking about her."

Spike was quiet for a moment. "I wasn't…."

Drusilla changed her tone, wrapping her arms around Spike and running her hand through his hair gently. "Don't worry Spike. I will make it alright in the end." She kissed him and then disappeared, leaving the doll behind.

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"So what you got for me Giles?" Buffy asked the next afternoon as she woke up after sleeping for most of the day.

"Ah, Buffy, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. Now give me info."

"Well…I've been searching through all my resources," he indicated the piles of thick dusty tomes around him. "There is very little on this demon."

"What do you mean 'very little'."

"I haven't been able to find much about them at all except a few pages declaring they are very ancient demons who will serve the person who summons them, and if they have no current mission, they bury themselves deep in the earth where they have the ability to lie dormant for thousands of years. There is no information as to how to kill them though."

"Well I say we need bigger weapons for one thing." Buffy walked over to the wall where Giles displayed swords. She took one of them down, "this should do nicely."

"Ahh…Buffy I don't think…."

He never got to finish the sentence. In the next moment, the window exploded, glass shattering everywhere and in burst an Erimoir demon.

"Sssssssslayer!"

"Hey!" Buffy exclaimed, glad to be holding a large weapon. "You damaged Giles window, you're so going to pay for that."

The demon growled, stalking towards her on long thin legs. Buffy waited till it came closer and tried to take a strike at her. Lightening fast, she dodged the swipe, bringing the sword around and slicing into the demon's arm. The sword was even sharper than it looked, and to her surprise, she cut right through the limb. Blood, darker than black ink spurted out, splattering the walls and dripping onto the floor. The arm itself dropped to the floor and then sank into it, disappearing.

Buffy looked smugly at the demon. "Let's see how good you are with only one arm, shall we?"

The demon just smiled, looking at her.

"Why are you staring….is it my hair?" But it was Buffy's turn to stare as the demon's arm grew back, right before her eyes. _I really hate demons that can do that…_

Well at least there was only one of them around at the moment and she wasn't going to let it beat her to a pulp this time. "Stay back, Giles," she warned launching herself at the demon, kicking and slashing at it with the sword as best and as hard as she could. It seemed to be working, she managed to cut off one of its legs and sent it crashing to the ground, and the more limbs she damaged, the slower it took to regenerate. But the Erimoir wasn't dying.

Then she heard it, a whisper in her mind, a feeling like fingers caressing her brain. _Look at the eye…look into it…you know you want to…_

She did…. she suddenly had this overwhelming urge, and overwhelming curiosity to look there…to give in and just gaze deep into the whirling abyss that was the demon's eye.

The air around her began to feel solid, slowing down her every move.

_Must…not…look…must not look! _She chanted over and over to herself. The effort it was beginning to take not to look was starting to wear her out…

"Buffy!" she heard Gile's voice in the distance. She could see the demon rising above her, reaching out to her; she was only just managing to block its attacks. Then there was a sickening sound as Giles shoved a blade horizontally through the demon's stomach, slicing it in two. It let out a long piercing screech falling to the ground.

Buffy relaxed for a second as the tugging on her mind stopped.

"R-right then." Gile's said anxiously. "That should take it a little longer to heal. I think we ought to be going."

----------

"Buffy, luv are you okay?" Spike gasped in concern as he walked into the school library later that night. "I went to your watchers and saw the mess there…"

Buffy explained what had happened. "I don't know where the demon is now, or how fast it will be able to track me again, or even how many of these Erimoir demons there are. But one thing I know for sure is we have to work out how to kill them, and form a plan fast."

Willow and Xander were already flicking through piles of musty old books, researching. Buffy was just trying not to panic. She was the slayer; she had to set a good example for her friends. But Spike could see her inner struggle, and he understood better than any of her friends how much she wanted to kill these things. He knew what the demon could do. Spike put his arm around her reassuringly as he lit up a cigarette. "We'll win this thing Buffy, you know we will."

Buffy smiled weakly, grateful to have Spike at her side, and wondering what it would be like without him there. Just that thought was enough to make her feel sick.

"Hey evil dead guy, how about you quit trying to get into Buffy's pants and contribute towards saving her life instead?" Xander snapped, indicating the books around him. "And by the way, there's no smoking in the library."

"Oh yeah? Why don't you stop me?" He deliberately took a long drag of the cigarette exhaling slowly.

"Why you – " Xander rose from his chair.

"Hey…wait a second…" Spike had taken his smoke out of his mouth and was looking at it thoughtfully.

"What is it honey?" Buffy asked.

"I think I just realised how to kill the Erimoirs."

* * *

_Hehe, it's prolly really obvious :P Next chapter coming soon :) _


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 **

Spike paused dramatically.

"Out with it!" they all exclaimed, fearing the demons would burst through the door any moment.

"Well, it's simple really. When I killed that first one, I shoved my lit lighter into its eye. So all we need is a little fire."

"You could be right." Buffy nodded. "You better be right, it's all we have time to act on now. Okay, Spike, let's find some torch like objects that we can bring to the cemetery and use against the demons. I'm sure they will come there looking for me, and no one else will be around."

Spike nodded eagerly.

"See you guys later, stay out of trouble."

"Buffy, we're coming with you."

Buffy stared at Willow. "Don't be stupid. These aren't dumb vampires we're talking about –"

"Hey!" Spike objected.

"Buffy, there's no time to argue. You said yourself that there are lots of them, you need back up. Besides, now that we figured out how to kill them, it can't be that hard, right?"

------------

The group stopped by Spike's crypt on their way to the middle of the cemetery to pick up some old fashioned torches Spike had found at the rubbish dump and had thought might come in handy. Buffy's friends keep a watch outside while she followed him into the crypt to help carry the weapons.

Spike shifted a pile of unidentifiable junk he seemed to like to collect and reached behind. "Ah…here we go. How many do you want to take? Buffy?" he turned around when she didn't answer.

The slayer was staring at something. Spike followed her gaze. _Oh crap…_

"What is…." She stalked over to it, picking the object up. "This is…. this is Drusilla's doll." The statement held the weight of a hundred things she wasn't saying but wanted to.

"Uh…Buffy, that's not – that's not what it looks like!" Spike hastily tried to reassure her, but in Buffy's eyes it made him look guiltier.

"Don't lie to me Spike!" She shouted, her anger and building fears over the past few days finally exploding. "She was here again wasn't she? And you didn't even tell me about it, which can only mean….how many times has she paid you a little visit without me knowing? Are you good buddies again? Is that it? Even forgetting her precious doll she takes everywhere with her….like accidentally leaving a bra in your boyfriends car…."

"Huh?" Spike blinked, confused for a second. "Buffy, that's not fair…will you give me a chance to explain – "

"You must have been showing her a _real _good time Spikey, for her to forget to take this with her!" Buffy ranted on, wanting to hurt him, wanting to anger him…. wanting to make him feel the jealousy she felt but couldn't admit.

Spike glared at her. "I thought you would trust me a bit more that that. Nothing happened between us, and I don't love her anymore."

"Can the crap Spike, I'm so not in the mood." Buffy spun on her heal, the hurt almost blinding her, tears threatening to fall, but she blinked and took a breath. _I am the slayer, and my duty comes first…_

She headed out to her friends as if her little argument with Spike had never occurred.

--------------

Buffy grinned when the first demon arrived, but it wasn't a pretty grin. It was more like a baring of teeth, an angry monkey, threatening another. She lit one of the torches. Her friends were hiding as best they could behind gravestones or trees, whatever was handy, while she was the 'bait' to lure the Erimoir demons out.

One thing Buffy hated feeling the most was when strength wasn't enough. Being the slayer, she had probably become a little too confident of herself, feeling like she could go anywhere and handle anything that came her way because she had slayer strength and fighting skills. Sure there were times when she fought a demon way stronger than her, and managed to kill it because of quick thinking and speed. But Erimoir was the first demon in a long time that had, even for a second, made her feel helpless.

To Buffy that was one of the scariest feelings in the world, and she wanted to make sure it never happened again. She was going to put her all and everything into this fight!

----------------

Fifteen minutes later, it was working, but wasn't all going as planned. The fire in the eye thing did kill the demons, but it was harder than it sounded since they were so much taller than Buffy or her friends and reaching the eye was quite a task. Buffy counted eight demons surrounding them, though she had already killed one and Spike had killed one. She had to help get her friends out of the way more than once.

Soon things began to get a little better. Xander and Willow each managed to kill a demon each so they were down to only six. Buffy was beginning to feel more confident, until three of them surrounded her. As she tried to take them on all at once, she lost sight of her friends. Vaguely, she hoped they were okay, but she began to get so into her slaying that she almost didn't care…

_I just want to kill them all…_she thought grimly as she leapt up, kicking one in the chest while shoving her flaming torch into its eye.

------------

Buffy sighed in great satisfaction as she killed the last one that had surrounded her, then she turned back to her friends in time to see Giles, Xander and Willow charge at the last demon together and destroy it, almost in a crazed rage.

"Nice teamwork people." Buffy congratulated, smiling. Her smile faltered when she saw how torn up they were, cloths ripped, blood and dirt everywhere. Willow had a large cut down the side of her face that was still dripping, Xander's hand seemed to be broken, and even Giles was looking worse for wear. Buffy looked down and realised she had gotten injured too, but she had hardly noticed, so involved in simply killing those demons…

But something wasn't right….

"Uh…where's Spike?"

Xander swallowed.

Giles coughed.

Willow stared with wide, horror filled eyes.

Buffy suddenly wished she could freeze time so she would never have to hear the answer and find out why there was a sudden dread filling her heart…

"He's….gone Buffy. One of the demons got him." Giles informed her with difficulty.

Buffy was silent.

Then she burst out laughing. "HAHAHAHAHHAH That's a good one! Spike, you can come out now! Very funny…hahaah…ha…" she trailed off at the expressions on her friends faces as they looked at her sadly.

"Buffy…." Willow stepped cautiously up to her, afraid of her reaction, but ready to offer comfort. "We…we were fighting and…Spike was fighting one of them off to the side…we got so involved in simply trying to stay alive that we didn't notice Spike….until I looked over and….just in time to see him…paralysed…the last of him….fading….and then he was gone. I've never seen anything like….."

"No…." tears filled her eyes. "No! You can't be serious Willow?"

"I'm afraid he really is gone." Giles said.

Buffy sank the ground, covering her eyes, trying to stop the tears that were flowing. _This has to be a nightmare…it can't be real! Spike wouldn't let that happen…he can't be gone! This can't be real! _

* * *

_Aww Spike : ( stay tuned for next chapter! And pls continue to review :D_


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 **

"How is she?" Xander asked Willow, obvious strain in his voice.

"She won't talk at all. Won't even let me come into her room any more. It's been two whole days…I'm really worried about her."

"Yes…she must get back to her slayer duties." Giles piped in. "The slayer is not supposed to get so emotionally involved…I had no idea Spike meant that much to her…ah…" he coughed. _What am I saying? I just feel guilty for letting something like this happen…for not being able to protect Buffy from emotional damage as well as physical…_

In fact all of Buffy's friends were feeling guilty and blaming themselves and not knowing what to do. But none of them were feeling as guilty as Buffy herself felt.

---------------

Sitting up in her room, Buffy clutched Mr. Gordo to her chest. "Spike…." She whispered.

_How could I have let this happen? Especially after he risked his own unlife to save me that first time! This is how I repay him? And worst of all…much, much worse…we had an argument…the last moment we spent together…I was so cruel to him…maybe he was telling the truth…I was so untrusting…and I'll never get to tell him I'm sorry and that I just love him so much I couldn't stand it!_

_I'll never see him again…I'll never feel his arms around me…I'll never hear that sexy voice…_

_Why does it hurt so much?! _

But…. was Spike hurting? _What exactly happens to vampires without a soul when they are staked? Do they just cease to exist?_ Buffy wondered. _Or do they go to some form of hell to pay for all the innocent lives – _

She suddenly realised something. _Spike didn't turn to dust…and those other vampires I've seen the demons 'kill' before…they didn't turn to dust either…they just faded and disappeared…_

So did this mean…? Did it mean Spike wasn't actually gone forever; he simply had been transported to some hell dimension, and the Erimoir's collected energy from that? It was confusing but…._is it only my mind hoping? But…there's still a chance…if he's in another dimension…maybe there is a way to get him back! _

Suddenly bursting with hope, and shoving all the doubts, all the fear and sadness forcefully out of her mind, Buffy felt herself becoming the slayer again. She ran out of her room to go and talk to her friends. Some major researching was needed.

---------------

"Buffy…I'm not sure if there is anything we can do."

"Yeah Buff…even I kinda miss Bleach Boy, but we've been going through every book we can find for hours…."

"Keep trying." Buffy ordered with determination. "There has to be a way to bring Spike back. _There has to_."

-----------------

Buffy looked up. Willow and Xander were both exhausted and had fallen asleep whilst researching the books in the school library. For a second she felt annoyed and wanted to shake them and tell them that every moment they wasted meant the longer Spike was suffering…and how much he was suffering…well she couldn't even bear to think about that. But the were wounded and exhausted and it was her fault they were like that in the first place...

Buffy sighed as she turned the pages. At least Giles was still helping her.

---------------

The sun rose, burning her eyes, and still Buffy looked through tome after tome, searching for something…. anything to do with the ancient demon and its powers.

It was a school day and soon the halls were filled with the sounds of voices. Buffy felt so detached and almost unreal as she sat there, hearing the familiar sound of schoolkids laughing…she was supposed to be in class…but there were more important things to do.

"Ah! Here's something…." Giles announced, sitting up straight.

"What?? Really!" Buffy yanked the book off him, only to give in back a second later, grumbling "It's in some strange symbols."

Luckily Giles seemed to understand it. "Yes…it says that there is one amulet which can be used to summon these demons, and, if a person is wearing the amulet and allows an Erimoir demon to transport them they can travel inside the hellish dimensions without becoming damaged."

"But can it be used to bring back Spike?" Buffy chewed her lip nervously.

"Yes, it says anything that the person is touching when they want to go back will come with them…so if you find Spike, you should be able to bring him back!" Giles paused. "Buffy…. this is still incredibly risky and dangerous are you really prepared to risk so much – "

"Giles, I don't think that's even a question that needs to be asked." She said it with such firmness that Giles didn't argue. "So, how do we get the amulet and where do we go to summon one of those demon things?"

"Well, that's our next problem…I have no idea."

---------------------------

"This is taking too long!"

"Buffy," Giles said, "Willow and Xander left an hour ago to get some rest at home, I suggest you do it to."

"How can I rest at a time like this?"

"Your going to have to Buffy, even if we do find how to get the amulet, you'll need to rest to replenish your strength before you attempt to…" he swallowed trying not to show how worried he was. There was still a part of his mind that screamed, _My slayer's going to hell to rescue a vampire! There's something just not right about that! _

After a bit more nagging, Buffy finally agreed to go home for a few hours. She ended up on her back, in her bed, staring at the ceiling. Thinking about Spike.

An hour past and nothing changed.

_I need to get my mind off him! It's driving me crazy…_Buffy got up, maybe some good ol' traditional slaying might help.

A little while later she found herself standing outside Spike's crypt. _I didn't mean to go here…I guess it's just a habit…_

Her heart lurched. _So familiar_. His crypt…so silent and empty without him that's how she would feel if she never saw him again.

But what was that? A sound? The crypt was not so silent.

Gripping her stake in her hand, Buffy inched forward.

She saw a figure and leapt on it, forcing them against the wall, arm pinned under their neck, stake ready.

Two cold brown eyes stared at her.

"Drusilla." Buffy snarled.

"Spiiiiiiike. He's gone….I can feel it…he's not in this world any more." Her eyes fluttered. "I never meant for this to happen…"

Realisation dawned. "You…you raised the demons again?" _Of course. Which means she has the amulet! _

Buffy pressed her stake hard into Drusilla's chest, over her heart. "Okay Dru, you better tell me quick where that amulet is before you become a big pile of dust."

Drusilla stayed motionless. She didn't seem afraid of dying at all.

"I'm warning you….I am so looking forward to getting rid of you – " Buffy threatened between gritted teeth.

Drusilla smiled slowly. "You won't do it, deary. Don't you remember? How my Spike screamed at you last time not to kill me…do you think he could forgive you for this?"

Buffy was silent, remembering. _She's right…could I bring myself to just kill her almost 'behind Spike's back' without feeling guilty about it? And if it were Angel and Spike was in the same place as me…I wouldn't want him to kill my ex…_

It was then that Buffy realised threatening to stake Drusilla wouldn't work. Aside from the fact that she wasn't sure she could actually bring herself to do it without Spike around, Drusilla showed no fear of dying, she was too out of it to even consider giving in and…killing her would mean Buffy had no lead to finding the amulet.

"You don't understand." She snapped. "If I don't get that amulet…I'll never get Spike back."

Drusilla continued to smile. "I'm sure my sweet Spike is having a glorious time." She sighed happily. Abruptly her smile dropped and her eye's locked with Buffys. "I'll summon another demon for you and give you the amulet if you agree to my terms."

Buffy sighed knowing it wasn't going to be good.

"You will promise me, that if I help you, once Spike has returned, you will tell him that you don't love him anymore, and make him believe it. Force him away from you, so my baby can return to me."

Buffy stared. _No, no! Anything but that…why don't you just agree quickly and lie? Because then who knows what else she might do? If she summoned all those demons before, who are loyal to her now… Oh Spike…even if we can't be together, at least I will know your not living in torment…_

Buffy swallowed, trying to be strong and nodded. "Agreed. Spike is yours if you help me."


	6. Chapter 6

_**A\N** I initially was going to make each chapter about twice as long, so sorry to anyone who gets annoyed by short chapters (?) but somehow they all seem to be turning out this length. Oh well, I shall try to continue to update often! Thankyou soooo much to everyone who has reviewed :D Hope you continue to enjoy, here is the next chapter…_

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Xander, Giles and Willow leapt to their feet simultaneously as Drusilla glided into the library, Buffy barging in behind her.

"Wha-whats she doing here?" Xander stuttered.

Buffy explained.

"You cant do that!"

"It's too dangerous!"

"Buffy you can't trust her, it could be a trap –"

Buffy held up a hand. "First of all, Giles and I did most of the research already. Secondly, Drusilla wants Spike back as much as I do, otherwise this whole fuss wouldn't have started in the first place."

Buffy turned to Drusilla who had been swaying slightly and humming to herself.

"When can we do this thing?"

"I'll need time to raise another Erimoir demon. Should be ready by tomorrow night, dearie."

Buffy nodded. "Okay, tomorrow night, back here. Bring the amulet and the demon, Drusilla. And remember if anything goes wrong, you wont get your Spike back."

------------

The next day was agony for Buffy. She had hardly been able to sleep all night, and that little time she did manage to was filled with nightmarish dreams about Spike being tortured, his screams echoing into an eternity of hell.

Now that morning had finally arrived, she got up, going through all her normal routines, and went to school, thinking it might help distract her and make the time till nightfall pass by quicker.

It turned out to be a huge mistake.

"Why…." Buffy thought, tapping her pen impatiently against the desk and staring at the clock, willing the hands to move faster, _why do I have to sit here and listen to this stupid lecture while my boyfriend is suffering?_

"You got somewhere you need to be, Ms Summers?" The teacher snapped, interrupting her thoughts.

_Yeah, a trip to hell is waiting for me…_

"Actually, I do."

Buffy stood and walked out of the classroom, ignoring the teachers call to "get back here this instance!"

She kept walking and walking, trying to clear her head. _How long has it been? One…two days? Only one night since I last saw Spike, and yet it's the longest we've been apart since we became lovers. If I miss him so much after just one day, how could I bear the rest of my life like this? What if I can't manage to bring him back? What if it doesn't work? What if –." _Her thoughts became more and more panicked. _Stop Buffy! You can't let yourself think these things…you have to forget them, because if you just keep thinking them you'll weaken yourself, you'll work yourself up into such a mess you wont even have a chance…_

Still, needing at least a little bit of comfort, Buffy headed towards Spike's crypt. _I just want to be somewhere that feels like him…_

When she got there she froze, staring at the sight before her. _Why does it seem lately every time I come here there's something new to be shocked about? _

It was Drusilla. She lay on Spike's bed, fast asleep, one hand delicately curled in a childlike manner under her chin. She was so motionless she looked like a doll… Miss Edith lay next to her on the pillow.

_How DARE she! _Buffy's mind screamed, outraged. It looked like Drusilla had already settled herself into Spike's crypt, waiting for him to return, like a wife waiting to welcome their husband home from work. _All she needs now is a white picket fence…_

The temptation to just rush in there and stake Drusilla was so strong Buffy had to turn and get away quickly before she acted on it.

"_Once Spike has returned, you will tell him that you don't love him anymore…"_

The vampiress's voice rang in her mind. _How can I do that? How can I possibly break the one I love's heart? _

_Who cares what you promised her? She's a vampire! You don't bargain with the undead! They are untrustworthy and below you (unless they happen to be your boyfriend)! _Part of her, mainly the slayer part screamed._ Forget what she said, when you return with Spike, explain that it was all her fault in the first place and surely then he won't mind if you kill the bitch! _

But…

Deep inside Buffy knew it wasn't just the threat of Drusilla raising more Erimoirs or coming up with another extravagant way to eliminate her rivals if Buffy went against her word. Sure, she was certainly aware that Drusilla was powerful, but things like that had never stopped the slayer before.

This time though… it was different…because…._ because I love him. _Buffy still wasn't quite sure how it had come about, but she loved Spike with the kind of intensity that made her want the best for him, even if it meant denying or scarifying part of herself.

Ever since that first night Drusilla had said those things to her… _I couldn't get the thought out of my mind that maybe she was right…maybe it would be better to stop things now, than to cause more heartache later…it's selfish to keep Spike for myself when I can't always be there for him…_

So she had decided, she would sacrifice her love, to let Spike return to where he belonged…even though it went against everything she believed in, everything she stood for as a slayer…. but she would do it…. she would do it for love.

----------------

"Where is she? I think I'm going to go insane if I have to wait any longer to do this thing!"

Night had finally fell, and Buffy had gone through every 'nervous habit' Willow could think of, from biting her nails, tugging her hair, and pacing the room, to chewing her lip, grinding her teeth and clenching her fists.

"I think your really brave Buffy." Willow said, trying not to show how scared she was for her friend.

"I think she's really stupid." Xander blurted before he could stop himself. Feeing bad, he added, "It's just I'm so scared what might happen."

Once he had voiced Willow's fears, she couldn't stop herself admitting them too. "I'm really worried Buffy!" She hugged her friend.

"Guys, don't make this harder. I know what I have to do." Buffy smiled weakly.

Drusilla chose that moment to come bursting through the doors. "How are we dearies?" Faithfully holding her hand was an Erimoir demon. Buffy's own hand tightened instinctively around her stake, though she knew it would be no use against this particular demon.

It was so strange seeing an Erimoir demon that had no interest in the slayer. It just stood there, motionless except for its eye, swirling with colours. Drusilla slipped the gleaming amulet around Buffy's neck.

"Right then." she pulled Buffy over to the demon and said some words to him that Buffy didn't understand. Then the Erimoir raised its large, long hands and placed them on either side of her head, forcing her to look at him.

Buffy was suddenly stricken by a fear so strong she wasn't sure if it was this emotion or the fact that she was staring into Erimoir eye that paralysed her, but she couldn't move her arms or legs. The panic began building up inside, telling her to run, to fight, and her mouth fell open in a silent scream as her blood began to boil.

Burning, boiling, bubbling, that's what it felt like her insides were doing. _I must be strong, I must not be scared…I have to do this…Spike…please be okay… Spike._

"Is she…is this supposed to happen?" Xander gasped. "Maybe we should stop her!"

"She looks like she's in so much pain." Willow cringed, not wanting to look but unable to tear her eyes away. Giles held them back, forcing himself as well not to run forward and put a stop to it.

_She could hear it. The screams…she could feel it…the torment…the agony, the pain…the sorrow of being nowhere, being nothing…being trapped for eternity…_

"She's fading…she's disappearing!"

Drusilla laughed. "Do not worry. No harm can come to her body as long as she's wearing the amulet." She waited as Buffy continued to fade until there was nothing left. "Let's just hope her mind can survive it." Drusilla laughed again, her eyes glinting with madness.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"Spike? Spike? SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!?" Buffy found herself screaming, though she didn't know why. She just kept screaming his name as she floated in blackness, unsure of which way was up and which way was down, or if there really was a right way at all. Saying his name gave her something to focus on, a reason to be where she was.

Abruptly, Buffy hit something, the force causing her to scrunch her face up tightly. _I suppose even if I can't be harmed physically, I can still feel the pain…_

Opening her eyes, she saw them. Mountains. Huge, tall, black mountains. Everywhere, completely surrounding her. They seemed to be oozing a thick black substance…almost like the blood of the Erimoir demons. She rose to her feet and the ground was black, thick and muddy causing her to sink deeper with each step.

Not knowing where to go, Buffy headed towards the nearest Mountain. _Can't go under it, can't go around it, so I guess I'll go over it… _

"Hello."

That voice! It sounded just like –

Her.

"Hello me."

A figure, dressed entirely in black stepped out from nowhere. She looked identical to Buffy, the only difference being her eyes, which were deep, dark and glistening. She smiled cruelly, folding her arms over her chest.

"Who-who are you?" Buffy asked, wondering if she could kill things in this dimension.

"Who am I?" the girl laughed. "Who am I you say? Can't you even recognise yourself? I'm so ashamed at my own stupidity." Her smile vanished. "Why are you doing this? Wouldn't you rather kill him? You want to kill that lover of yours don't you? You want to kill him for being soulless and a cruel monster…you want to kill him because something in your blood screams at you to do so. Just like you kill other vampires. There's part of you that longs to do it…."

"What are you talking about!" Buffy knew she shouldn't let the thing that was talking to her affect her, but she could feel tears running down her face. _I love Spike…how could I ever think such cruel things? I don't want to hear this, I just want to get to Spike!_

She turned her back on the dark Buffy and headed towards the mountain. _Spike, I'm coming. Hang on there, baby. _

_---------------_

"No!" Drusilla shrieked as Giles killed the Erimoir demon. Three stakes were suddenly pointed her way.

"I don't know why you're helping us exactly, but even if it is for Spike, we still don't trust you." Giles said. "Get out of here, Drusilla. Now."

Drusilla smiled, abruptly forgetting about her demon. "Miss Edith needs her tea." She whispered, and glided away.

The remaining three sat in silence.

"What do we do now?" Willow finally asked.

"Well, I guess we simply go on as normal and hope for the best." Giles decided. " Time is different in hell dimensions. She could spend only an hour there, but it would be a month here, or it could be the opposite, she could spend years there and return in only a few hours."

"WHAT!" Xander shrieked. "You never told me that! If she is gone for a long time here, what are we going to tell Mrs. Summers?"

"She already took care of that, she told her mother she was staying with her father for a while." Willow said. "He's been sick so her mother allowed her to skip the last few weeks of school, good thing holidays are coming up…"

"Okay, well lets look at the other scenario. How the hell could anyone survive years in a place like that, even if when they return it's only been a few hours? Buffy is the slayer, but when she returns, if she's stayed there too long…." Xander trailed off, unable to say the words.

"Oh god, I never really though of it like that!" Willow gasped. "Giles, we should get her back right away! It's way too dangerous!"

Giles had turned very white. "I'm sorry, but Buffy is the only one who can return herself. We have to trust that she will know when it's the right time to do so, even if she hasn't managed to save Spike."

----------------

The amulet glowed a mixture of green and gold, surrounding the slayer as she climbed the rocky mountain. Next to Buffy, her evil double climbed as well. Hands shot out of the black ground and grasped at her, but all they could do was brush against her, she was protected from harm by the amulet. Still, the feeling of a hundred fingers and claws scraping against her arms and legs was most unnerving.

_How much time has passed? _Buffy wondered. She noticed the sky was becoming darker and darker as she reached the top of the mountain. _Do they have day and night here? Oh no, it's too dark…I can't see anything!_

She was blinded, darkness surrounding her in every direction, making her dizzy. Things moved in the darkness, she could feel them, hear them…. but she couldn't see them.

"You're not scared of a little dark are you?" The clone at her side sneered. "Never mind, it will be over soon."

As she said that, Buffy peeped over the other side of the mountain and was practically blinded again…but this time with colour. All she could do was gape at the scene below her.

Everything was red… …a landscape that seemed to stretch forever lay out before her. Gorges full of fire, steep slopes with edges so sharp they looked lethal, blood red trees, twisting, twining._ Vegetation actually grows here? Though no of it looks alive..._ For miles and miles she could see hovering, turning shapes, some with faces, screaming, screaming, each experiencing their own kind of torment.

"Well, that's not as bad as I thought it would be!" Buffy said. She looked down the mountain and shrugged. "I can't get physically harmed, so I might as well jump and save time." Holding her breath she leapt off and felt herself falling…falling…

Buffy's eyes widened in horror as a gaping chasm opened up in the ground directly below her….

_Oh I'm such an idiot…_

--------------

"Xander!" Willow screamed. "Behind you!"

Xander whirled around and staked the vampire that had been about to attack him.

"Willow!" he called, turning back and seeing another vampire grab her.

"Get off her!" Xander punched him in the face making him release Willow.

The vampire stepped back, laughing. "Come on boys, fresh blood! It's party time."

"Uh oh!" Willow squeaked as an entire gang of vampires appeared. "Xander, how are we going to take on them all? We need Buffy!"

"Maybe….maybe we should run!" Xander shrieked, almost dropping his stake in fear.

"I don't think so." Another vampire grabbed Willow by the hair, yanking her towards him. As Xander made a move to help her, he too was tackled from behind.

Willow screamed and struggled but she didn't have to strength to win against the vampire whose fangs were coming dangerously close….

"Ahh!" Willow gasped as she was thrown on the ground, the wind knocked out of her. For a second all she could do was stare at the stars. _What…what's happening? _She could hear the sounds of punches and kicks… s_omeone…someone was fighting the vampires off! _

Meanwhile, Xander found himself in a similar position. _Is Buffy back?! _His mind wondered with hope. Willow and Xander leapt up together and gasped as they recognised the figure who had just staked every vampire attacking them.

"ANGEL!"

* * *

_Wow, Christmas Eve already! I feel kind weird writing about this kind of stuff on such a date, I even thought about putting something Christmas themed in this little fic, but I just couldn't see how it could work out, lol. Anywyas, hope you all have a Merry Christmas!_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Buffy screamed and screamed as she continued to fall. _When will I hit the bottom? How am I ever going to get out of this one? _

_SPLASH_

It wasn't what she expected.

Buffy found herself submerged in a warm liquid. Her mouth had fallen open at the impact and something thick and metallic tasting filled it. She choked recognising the taste, her arms thrashing, legs kicking, trying to surface. _It's blood! Oh god, I'm in a pool of blood and I just swallowed some! _

Buffy gasped for air as strong hands gripped her and pulled her to the surface. _I'm covered in blood! _When the dripping red stuff cleared from her eyes she could see who had pulled her up.

It was the clone of her…and she had vamped out.

"You liked it didn't you? You want more don't you? Taste it…the blood, you've always wanted to know what makes the things you kill go crazy over this stuff…" vampire Buffy whispered.

Buffy began to paddle backwards furiously. So far, she had thought she had been handling this weird world pretty well; it wasn't as bad as that time she had been trapped between dimensions and everything had happened in her mind. At least this time she could control, to some extent, what she was doing, and she knew nothing could really physically harm her. _And I know my purpose for being here…Spike…_

But seeing herself as a vampire….

Suddenly she couldn't handle it. Buffy thrashed about blindly until she hit something. She grabbed onto it and climbed out of the blood pool. Now she was in a forest. Buffy looked behind and saw her vampire clone coming after her.

She ran.

----------

Xander and Willow slowly backed away, ready to bolt any second.

"Hey, it's alright. I have my soul again, now." Angel said.

"Ah…." Willow started nervously. "You're not angry about that are you?"

Angel looked down sadly. "No. I figured that you found out a way to do it…but… I couldn't be around Buffy anymore after what happened."

"So then why are you here?" Xander asked bluntly.

"Is Buffy okay?"

Willow and Xander looked at each other, not sure what or how to tell Angel where Buffy was, and the fact that they really didn't know if she was okay. She had been gone four months now.

Four months.

Four months without the slayer had meant that the vampires of Sunnnydale were becoming far more numerous. Giles, Willow and Xander had been trying to keep the numbers under control, but they were no replacement for Buffy, and the news that the slayer had left town spread rapidly throughout the vampire community. Things were becoming chaotic.

"I heard vampires up in LA say they were going down to the Hellmouth to 'party' since the slayer was gone." Angel explained. "I thought I better come over to check things out. I didn't really expect to find you two here, but now I'm even more worried. Where _is_ Buffy?"

Willow sighed. "You better come with us. This might take a while to explain."

------------

Buffy's feet thudded against the ground as she ran and ran. _I feel so lost…how big is this place? What if I never find him? _

The ground shook and would burst open without warning, revealing giant chasms. Buffy had managed to jump out of the way just in time so far. She had also learnt that things in this world could still touch her, and attack her, and she could still feel just as much pain, even if she wasn't really getting hurt.

But the thought of not ever finding Spike….that scared her much more than anything else.

Trees, which poured blood from their long crooked branches, scratched and snagged at her as she ran. Dark forms and ghost like figures filled the air so thickly it was hard to see more than a metre ahead. Some screamed in her ears, others whispered words, worst still, sometimes they called _his_ name…

-----------

"She's dating Spike?!?!"

"Uh, yes, I thought we already established this fact, that's the third time you've exclaimed that. Personally, I thought you would be more concerned over the fact that Buffy is currently in some HELL DIMENSION."

Xander, and Willow had brought Angel back to the school library where Giles was working late, to tell Angel the story. However, he had frozen at the part where they explained why Buffy had gone to try and save Spike, and couldn't seem to be able to get over this information.

"Why on earth would she be interested in Spike in that way? Not only is he a vampire, he doesn't have a soul…and, well, he's _Spike_." Angel shook his head. "Is she under some kind of spell?"

-----------

Buffy opened her eyes. _What happened?_

_Oh yeah, I feel down another one of those chasms…where am I now? _

She stood up and immediately began to back away, her mouth falling open in a silent scream at the sight before her. _Please don't tell me this is real…_

There were thousands of them…. billions. Stretching out for miles and miles, a rugged terrain with bodies chained and bound to everything and anything.

_Is Spike here? Is he one of them? _

Instinctively touching the amulet around her neck, making sure it was still there, Buffy slowly moved forward, even as her mind screamed at her to turn away. She walked past the bodies, noticing that they each seemed to be experiencing their own individual tortures. Their eyes were rolled back showing only white, their faces twisted in anguish and pain. Tugging on the chains, screaming, struggling to escape…

The further she walked, the more voices she heard until it was starting to become hard to separate her own thoughts. Buffy shivered. Some of the voices, some of the words…they were so dark, so twisted….so _evil_. And they were all in her head. If she didn't find Spike soon –

_What was that?_

Her eyes widened as she came across a bent over figure with bleached blond hair. He wore nothing but black jeans, his bare back covered in bruises and deep jagged wounds, still oozing blood. He was crouched in the corner, his hands digging into the blood stained dirt, shaking his head from side to side, "No….no…."

_Is it Spike? Could it really be him? _

Buffy inched cautiously over to the figure. She reached out slowly, wanting to touch his hair, to run her hands through its softness, despite the blood that stained some strands. Just as she was about to do so...

He looked up.

Wild, flashing blue eyes met hers and Buffy gasped at their intensity. His eyes held a haunted quality that looked like he had already experienced an eternity of torture and had long ago given up hope…but it was him, it was really him!

"Spike!" Tears flowed down her cheeks. "Spike!"

Recognition filled his eyes and they became slightly less wild looking ."Buffy?" he crocked. "How are you…. is it really…?"

Buffy threw herself into his arms. "Spike!" she sobbed, clutching him close. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. We're going back now, okay baby? I'm going to bring you back."

She reached for the amulet and froze as her hand couldn't find it. Dread hit her suddenly as someone laughed and she turned around to see who she already knew it was.

Vampire Buffy dangled the amulet from her hand. "Lookie what I got." She grinned, flashing her fangs. "You were so busy embracing your vampire lover you didn't even notice me slip it from your neck. Well, I guess it's kind of poetic really. You and your boyfriend…trapped in hell for eternity!"

She laughed again, and before Buffy could even blink, disappeared, along with the amulet, the slayer's only way of returning home.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"I still don't get _why _Buffy would be risking her life to save _Spike,_" Angel exclaimed. "This is a joke, right?"

Willow sighed. "It's been four months…how much longer is it going to take? How long do you think she has spent there? She could have been there for years and years already." Her eyes started to fill with tears. "We have no way of finding out…no way of helping her. I don't know how much longer I can stand this…"

"Hey." Angel grew serious. "I don't believe this thing with Buffy and Spike, but there is another way to go help her."

"There is?" Giles was suddenly interested.

"Yes. There are actually three of those amulets. I happen to know where the second one is buried. I can retrieve it and use it to go find Buffy and help her."

"Oh could you really?" Willow gasped, hope filling her eyes.

"Wait a minute…. I don't trust evil dead boy here. What if it's just an act? What if he's lost his soul again and…and?!"

Angel rolled his eyes at Xander, "Still as brainless as ever I see," he muttered and before Xander could retaliate, he continued on, "First of all, if I were Angelus I would have sucked you dry by now. Secondly, while the soulless can possess the amulet, we cannot enter a hell dimension with it. Only those with a soul can wear it once there. That's probably why Drusilla never went to bring Spike back herself."

-------------

"Oh my god. What are we going to do now?" Buffy wailed. She had no idea where that evil clone of her had run off to, it could be another dimension for all she knew.

"H-how did you get here? I don't understand." Spike whispered, still looking amazed. He held onto her tightly as if she might disappear at any moment.

So Buffy explained, finishing with, "and that's why we have to get it back as soon as possible!"

Spike took her hand, helping her to her feet, despite the fact that he was in obvious worse shape. "Then lets do it luv, if you're here, anything is possible."

"Spi – " Buffy cut off as she seized up and fell back. Spike caught her and she went limp in his arms. _Oh no! _He realised in alarm. _That amulet must have been protecting her from some of the effects of being here…and now that its gone they are suddenly hitting her…it would be even worse with a soul…_

He watched as her eyes rolled back in her head and she went completely still.

"No…Buffy…luv, snap out of it!" he shook her, but nothing happened, and he stood there helplessly, not knowing what to do.

----------

Angel appeared in the hell dimension, the amulet he had dug up glowing around his neck and the first thing he saw was…Spike and Buffy. _What luck! _

For a moment he couldn't move as he witnessed the scene before him.

Spike crouched on the ground, cradling a limp Buffy in his arms. "Why did you do it pet? Why did you risk yourself for me? Why did you risk your sanity? You might never…." he choked, "you might never return to normal after this! Buffy, Buffy. I'm not worth it. I never was…a soulless demon like myself…I never was worthy of your love. I've been so selfish…thinking I'm good enough…"

"William the Bloody…you never stop whining do you?" Angel walked over to them. "I don't understand what's going on here and I really hate to do this…but…it's the only way to get you two back." Before Spike could utter a word, Angel embraced the duo and willed them to go back to their world.

The amulet shone brighter and brighter and then –

-----------

"Buffy!" Giles cried in shock, dropping a pile of books he had been carrying when Buffy and the two vampires appeared in the middle of the school library. He ran over to them. Angel was getting up, having recovered first.

"Is she…is she ok?"

"I don't know. Spike seems like he's in pretty bad shape as well."

--------------

"Buffy…" Spike's eyes snapped open. "Where's Buffy?"

"Ah, Spike. Are you feeling better?" Giles asked. "We borough you back to my house so I could treat your wounds and you could rest. You shouldn't move yet."

"Where's Buf-" Spike stopped as he looked across the room and saw her, Angel kneeling by her side.

_Get away from her, she's mine! _Spike's mind screamed, and he almost leapt up to attack his rival, but he stopped himself. Apart from the fact that he wasn't sure if he could actually move at the moment due to his wounds, he also had a thought. Maybe Angel would be better for her…he had a soul after all…_no no, he's not! I will never let her return to him again! Buffy needs a human lover. A nice, normal human who will age with her, who will treat her right…who wont cause her to have to make trips into hell… _

"Buffy…"

She appeared to be sleeping. Spike wanted so badly to reach out and touch her…to hold her in his arms. But she was too…far…away….

Closing his eyes, he slipped into unconsciousness once more.

-----------

"Spike….nnno…Spike!" she tossed her head from side to side. "SPIKE!"

"Ssssh. Buffy, it's okay." Gentle hands brushed her hair from her face, soothed her, reassured her.

Her eyes flew open. "Spike?" Someone, hovering over her…someone different…yet familiar…

"Angel?"

"Yeah. It's me."

Buffy smiled. "Angel….." her eyes widened. "ANGEL? Is that really you? You came back…" _Why is he here? After all this time…why did he suddenly come back? I can't think about this now, I have to make sure Spike's okay!" _

"You've been sleeping for four days." Angel told her, stopping her as she tried to get up. "Are you feeing better?"

"Yes! I feel fine! Is Spike – "

"BUFFY! You're awake!" Xander and Willow burst into the room, rushing over to her, hugging her.

"Hey guys!" Buffy forced herself to smile. "How long was I gone?"

"Four, almost five months! We missed you so much!"

"Oh my gosh, it only felt like a few hours! What did I miss?"

Spike looked over at Buffy from the other side of the room where he lay on the couch. After four days rest he was feeling a lot better, his strength had returned. He felt relieved as he watched the slayer chatting with her friends. _She seems almost normal…I was so afraid she wouldn't be able to recover…but she seems to be coping even better than I thought! I wonder…is it because Angel is here? _

"You guys, you don't need to fuss over me okay? I've told you, I'm fine. Just a little trip to hell, I didn't even spend that long there…. nothings changed okay?" She looked over and saw him then. "Spike!"

In a blink Buffy was in his arms, hugging him tightly. _I wont be able to hold him like this for much longer…I have to push him away…this can't go on. _She sighed, not wanting to let go, her heart breaking.

Spike held her back, thinking the same thing. _I can't let her risk herself like that for me again…this has to end. _

---------------

"Buffy…"

She woke up, it was the middle of the night, and she guessed she must have fallen asleep again. Angel was still watching over her.

"Where's Spike?" she asked, feeling his absence.

"He went to his crypt." Angel told her and Buffy felt a stab in her heart. _Back to Drusilla already…couldn't wait I guess… _

"Buffy," Angel repeated her name, and he looked like he had been crying. " I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for those things I did, I'm so sorry for the things that happened….I know saying sorry doesn't change anything but I wish every single day that I could erase them, that I could turn back time…."

Buffy's eyes widened. _He's talking about the things he did when he was Angelus…_she hadn't really thought about it in months. _After what I've been through with Spike…they almost seem insignificant…_

But looking at Angel…she felt a flood of warmth. _It wasn't completely his fault…it was mine as well. But neither of us knew…still…before that…he was always there for me…back then I was so innocent…I couldn't stop myself from loving him…and I don't think he will ever completely leave my heart…_

"I left, Buffy, because I was so ashamed of myself, that I couldn't bear to be around you. I thought that not seeing you…I could move on…"

"Angel…don't do this to yourself." Buffy tried to stop him. "I forgave you for everything a long time ago, I'm just glad that you got your soul back and I don't have to stake you." She smiled weakly.

Angel held up a hand. "Please…it's been so long, just let me say this okay?" she nodded and he continued. "But I couldn't stop thinking about you…and as soon as I saw you again, I realised, I never stopped loving you. Even when I lost my soul…I think part of my twisted side still loved you. I thought leaving would be easier on both of us…I never thought that it would cause you to seek solace in the arms of the enemy…I should have stayed here with you…I should have protected you from Spike who obviously is the reason you went into hell…. I'm sorry Buffy, and I have decided I will stay in Sunnydale, by your side, and make up for my mistakes."

He drew her close to him in an embrace. "I want us to be together again, Buffy."

* * *

_Wow, it only just occured to me that I never mentioned Cordilia in any of my fics, this one of the one before it. I didn't mean to forget about her! Though I'm not really sure what she would be doing at this time...I guess she just didn't fit in so I forgot P Anywyas __I think there will probably end up being about 12 chapters altogether, so three more chapters left: ) Next one coming soon!_


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

She was speechless.

_He can't be _serious, _can he?? Is this really Angel? He wasn't even like this when we were together…why does he suddenly want to be with me again? Is it because of…he couldn't be jealous of Spike could he? _

_Either way…I can't be with either of them…_

"Angel…I…."

He looked at her earnestly and she couldn't stand it.

"I'm sorry!" she cried, pushing him forcefully off her and standing up, heading towards the door.

Giles suddenly appeared, blocking her way.

"Buffy, are you ready to be moving about so much – "

"Giles, it's been long enough and _I'm fine_! I wasn't harmed, I had the amulet to protect me, so I don't get why everyone is making such a fuss…I need to get on with my life now." She pushed him aside and walked out the door.

--------------

_Get on with my life…_

_How do I do that without you, Spike? _She thought as she headed towards his crypt. _I want to be selfish…I want to keep him for myself even if I can't stay with him forever, even if I can't be all that he needs…I want to be selfish and never let him go…_

_But I love him too much… _

"Buffy –"

"Huh?" she stopped in her tracks, and looked up, seeing Spike coming towards her from across the cemetery. "Spike, I was just coming to see you."

"So was I." he said.

They looked at each other.

"You seem to be feeling better." Spike said nervously. _How do I do this…how do I tell her that we can't continue…after she has just saved me? How can I do that…but its now or never…I wont have the strength to break it off if I don't do it now…_

"Spike…I'm really happy that you're back and you're safe. I was worried that you would have spent years there and –"

"Don't worry luv. It was even a shorter time in that hell dimension than it was here, and compared to immortality…it really wasn't anything."

Buffy nodded, feeling relieved. _Say it…just tell him now! _

Spike looked at Buffy. _Do it now! _

"Spike I don't love you anymore!"

"Buffy we can't see each other anymore!"

They both froze.

"Huh?"

"What did you just say?"

"What did _you _say?"

"You're…you're _leaving_ me??"

"You…you don't love me anymore…?"

"You said you would never le- …well it doesn't matter because I don't want you! And I certainly don't need you!"

Buffy whirled around, completely confused and more upset than she had ever felt in her life.

"Goodbye Spike," she said, before storming off, resisting the urge to look behind. _I never expected it to end so quickly…how can it be over? How can it just end like that? _Tears blurred her vision.

Spike stared after her.

"What just happened there?" he asked out loud.

"Isn't it obvious?" a voice sneered from the shadows.

Spike recognised it instantly.

"Oh yeah…that reminds me, not to be ungrateful or anything, but _why _are you here?" Spike asked.

Angel stepped out in front of him. "I thought Buffy was in trouble."

"Well…she _is _the slayer. Maybe you should just mind your own business and keep away, things have been much better since you weren't around." Spike glared at his grand-sire.

"I can't believe she would ever want to be with you, Spike…I can't believe she could ever even _think_ of loving you. Looks like I came along just in time and managed to remind her of who she really belongs with." Angel patted Spike on the shoulder. "Never mind, I'm sure Drusilla is still waiting for you…though she may have gotten bored, it has been almost five months now. She came crying back to me again, but of course, I'm too soul having for her. More of the kind that suits Buffy…"

Spike growled and grabbed Angel by the front of his shirt, smashing him up against a headstone. "Listen to me, you wanker, Buffy deserves better than either of us. Don't kid yourself, we're vampires. Nothing we can ever do or be, whether we have a soul or not, will be good enough for her. She needs something, someone, _normal_ in her life to remind her of the lighter side. Not someone that will cause her to have to risk her life…" Spike broke off as he remembered the fear he had felt when Buffy had lost that amulet and was in the hell dimension with him.

_I was so scared she would be trapped there with me…tormented for eternity because she tried to save a worthless vampire…I could never forgive myself…_

Angel broke away without a word and stormed off. "Just leave her alone Spike."

---------------

Angel frowned. Spike was right, he knew it. _What was I doing? What was I thinking? I know that we can't really be together…we can't ever be together in that way again, and the fact that I still love her proves that…it's too dangerous._

Angel sighed as he realised why he had been acting the way he had.

_Hearing about her with Spike…I almost didn't believe it…but when I saw them…the love they have for each other…there's no doubt it's very real. And I felt…jealous…and its wrong but…I almost don't know if I can deal with it…I want to be selfish…I want her for myself, no matter what the consequences… but I know I have to go._

_But now that I've seen her again…how can I ever leave? _

----------------

Buffy stumbled along the streets brushing the tears from her eyes. "Ahhgh. Being in love turns people so pathetic," she mumbled. "I hope your happy Dru. Bitch vampire. Cos I sure as hell am not."

_I hope they leave…I couldn't stand it if he stayed in Sunnydale…stayed in that cemetery I visit every night…_

_But the thought of never even seeing him again…_

A new worry overcame her as she approached the front door of the Summers residence.

_My mother! I hope she hasn't been too worried about me…Oh god…I wonder what elaborate excuse Willow made up for me, its been so long now, the 'visiting my father' excuse would have worn off! _

Buffy wondered if she should turn around and go find Willow first to ask her what she had told her mother about Buffy's absence. _But Willow didn't mention it before…so obviously my mothers handling it okay…_

She reached for the door handle.

It was locked.

Buffy rang the doorbell and held her breath as she heard footsteps padding towards it.

The door swung open and Buffy threw her arms around Joyce, not realising how much she had missed her mother. She felt her stiffen in her arms, and Buffy stepped back.

Joyce stared at her, with a completely shocked look on her face. "Who…who are you?"


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

_What does she mean she doesn't love me anymore? _Spike clenched his jaw in frustration. _It was good timing but…what did I do to make her stop loving me? _

It was pissing him off not knowing. Hearing her say that…it had hurt more that anything… but he was still so shocked that it almost didn't seem real.

He wandered back to his crypt vaguely wondering where Drusilla had gotten to. Not that he cared. _What do I do now? How do I go on living, when my raison d'être ceases_ _to exist? _

_I guess it's a good thing I'm already dead. _

-------------

"Buffy! What's wrong?" Willow gasped as she opened the door to find her friend standing there, tears streaking down her face.

"My mother doesn't know who I am!"

"OH!" Willow pulled Buffy inside. "I'm so sorry, I was just so relived to see you return safely, I forgot to tell you all about that!"

Willow sat Buffy down as if the slayer was too sick to be standing up for long periods. She was starting to get annoyed with people treating her like that.

"Buffy…you were gone for such a long time that I had to do a little temporary 'forget' spell on your mother so she wouldn't worry about you."

"WHAT!" Buffy screeched leaping to her feet.

"I didn't know what else to do. Don't worry Buffy, it's supposed to wear off by itself, it will probably be gone in a week or two and then you can return as if everything was normal. You can stay at my house while your waiting."

"Okay, thanks Will." Buffy sighed, staring at the ground. She was angry, but knew her friend had only been trying to help. "I think I'll get some sleep now, I know all I seem to have been doing lately is resting, but suddenly I feel so weary."

-------------

"_Spike my love…" _

_He looked up, expecting to see Drusilla. Instead he saw Buffy. _

_She glided over to him. "Come play with me Spike, now we can be together forever." As she emerged from the darkness he noticed her face… _

_She laughed. "Do you like it Spike? Angel sired me. He sired me so I could become a vampire and stay with you…I never realised how much fun I was missing out on." She looked down at the blood on her hands. "The taste of human blood…snatching away an innocent life…it's so much more invigorating than dusting walking corpses." _

"_No…no!" Spike shook his head, backing away. "What did you do? What did you do with her?" My sunshine, my golden girl …how did she become so dark? How could she become so cruel? _

_She wrapped her arms around his neck, her demon face still showing, her soulless yellow eyes staring up at him. "Isn't this what you wanted Spike? I did it for yo-" _

_She burst into dust in his arms. _

_Spike looked up slowly in horror to see Drusilla, a stake in her hand, grinning wickedly and standing where Buffy had been just a moment before. _

"BUFFY!"

Spike jolted awake, realising it had only been a dream. He shivered as he thought about how real it had seemed.

_Buffy I just want you to be happy… _

------------

"SPIKE! NO! Spiiiiiiike!"

Willow got out of her bed and padded over to where Buffy was sleeping to see what was wrong. The slayer was covered in sweat, her sheets tangled around her as she thrashed about. Her fingers dug into the sheets, tearing them with slayer strength. "NO!" she cried again.

"Buffy," Willow said gently, unsure of what to do. "Buffy, wake up, it's only a dream." She reached out slowly and laid a hand on Buffy's arm.

The next thing Willow knew she was thrown across the room.

"Don't hurt him!" Buffy yelled, and sat up.

Then she blinked. "Willow? Oh my god – Willow! Are you okay? What happened?"

Willow told her.

Buffy's eyes went wide. "I … I don't remember what I was dreaming about. But…I think it was an effect of some of the stuff I heard, some of the stuff I saw when I was in that different world…"

Willow crawled back to Buffy, wincing a bit, still in pain from being thrown. "That will probably happen for a while. The nightmares. But you're really strong Buffy, not just physically, but mentally. When I think about all the things that you have been through…all the things that are part of your history and you can't forget…the fact that you manage to get through each day… that you still manage to find happiness and joy…its truly amazing and I will always admire that part of you."

Buffy blinked. "Willow, I'm far from amazing –." How could she say it?

_It wasn't me. It was Spike. He's the amazing one. He's the one who kept me going. The one who made me laugh when I was sad, the one who erased all the pain of the past just by holding me…_

"You must really love Spike." Willow said, smiling softly. "To go that far from him…it's really beautiful. I know I don't express it much or always trust him…but Spike's a pretty amazing vampire too."

Buffy burst into tears. "Willow! I broke up with Spike – except …except…he didn't want to be with me anyway!"

"Huh?" Willow looked at her, shocked.

So Buffy explained, she explained why she had gone to break it off with Spike and then what had happened. "I never expected him to say that. Willow, he promised me he would never leave!" She knew she sounded immature but she couldn't help it.

Willow tried to think of the right words to say, tried to comfort her friend, but she too was confused. She expected Buffy to burst into more tears, but suddenly the slayers tone changed.

"That bastard! How DARE he do this to me? You don't just tell someone that you can't be with them anymore, out of the blue just like that! Not without a good reason!" Just as suddenly as her tone had changed, she sighed. "It's Dru…it has to be. He wants to be with her and he realised that…don't listen to me Willow. I shouldn't be acting like this…all I wanted was for him to be happy."

Buffy lay back down and turned her back on Willow. "I'm sorry I woke you up Will."

Willow watched as her friend fell asleep again, a furrow of worry over her brow.

"But Buffy…what about your happiness?" she whispered.

* * *

_Okay, only one more chapter:P _


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"Come to Prague with me Spike, now!" Drusilla stomped her foot.

"I'm not going anywhere with you Drusilla. I love Buffy and if I can't be with her, I'd rather spend eternity alone."

Drusilla gasped at his words. Then her eyes narrowed. "Do you think I wont do it again, my Spike? I won't stop until I've rid her – "

"Drusilla, I may not be able to bring myself to kill you, but if you don't leave us alone, I'll _let_ Buffy do it_. I will_."

Angel listened carefully to the conversation he was witnessing. He had been on his way to Spike's crypt that following night in order to have a little talk with the bleached blond vampire. Instead he had found Drusilla and Spike in a heated argument outside the dwelling.

_He really does love Buffy. _Angel realised. _Now that I think about it…Spike always did have this uncanny ability to love even without a soul…I watched over how he took care of Drusilla all those years…he never hurt her…he always cherished her…he did love her, and now that I've seen the way he looks at Buffy, heard the way he talks about her…_

He would never admit it to Spike out loud, but he was beginning to realise that the vampire might just be exactly the kind of person Buffy needed in her life…the kind of man she needed by her side. _He knows she's the slayer; he's strong enough to protect her and himself so she doesn't have to worry about him all the time, as she would if he were human, and he wont change because he has no soul to lose…unlike me. _

Angel sighed, making up his mind. _I'll take away the threat of Drusilla; I'll make sure she doesn't come between them again. I'll do it for Buffy, and then I'll leave, and if things between Spike and her are really meant to be…then I wont interfere again. _

Angel vamped out and swaggered over to the bickering duo. "Hello Princess," he greeted Drusilla. "I sure have missed you."

-----------

"Willow, I told you _I'm fine! _Why do you keep looking at me like you have a hundred things you want to say?"

"You're not fine, Buffy." Willow said, suddenly deciding to just let out everything that was on her mind. "I've watched you Buffy, ever since you came back and all you could talk about was Spike… " she sighed. "No…no that's not really the point. How do I put this into words? Well, it seems to me that you have let your insecurities concerning Spike get the best of you."

"What are you talking about Willow, I thought we agreed not to discuss him." Buffy sighed. "I really just wish to forget…"

"But I remember Buffy," Willow blurted out. "I remember all those months when you were with him, before Drusilla came back. You were so happy together, and seeing you that happy…it made me happy too. Can you remember that feeling? Don't you see? Back then, you didn't think about the future…you didn't think about the past. You simply thought about the present, enjoying your time with Spike, and in that way, you were carefree.

In this world…especially for you…. the future is so uncertain. Is it really worth it to get so hung up over the past and things that could, but also might not happen in the future, so that you end up being miserable forever? Buffy, I'm your best friend, and I've watched all that has happened to you over the last few months. While I don't fully understand your relationship with Spike, and while it initially had me worried…. I know that if you go on like this, you will always have a hole inside, and you wont be able to be truly happy again. That thought makes me very sad because I really can't do anything more than to tell you this."

"Willow." Buffy let out a sob. "You're…I think you're right." She hugged her friend tightly. _She's right…and I used to think like that! Its true that…I love Spike so much I allowed it to make me foolish, I let those things Drusilla said to me sink too deep, instead of just ignoring them, paying attention to what was important, trusting Spike more. And in the process I ended up hurting my friends as well…I can't go on like this…_

_but…_

_but it doesn't change the fact that in the end he chose Dru. If only that didn't happen…if only…_

"Willow, you're a great friend and I don't need a boyfriend. With friends like you and Xander, I don't need anyone else to make me happy. I'm sorry for sounding so selfish, I promise you, things will get better once I get myself back on track again." Buffy tried to say it like she meant it.

------------

"Daddy? You're back?" Drusilla whispered, her eyes lighting up with glee.

"I sure am baby." Angel placed his hands on her hips and pulled her sharply against him.

"Found a way to get rid of that damn soul…I feel so _alive _again." He grinned.

Spike gaped. "What the…how?" _Did he sleep with Buffy? _His mind asked. _No, he couldn't have…she wouldn't…she couldn't still love him like that…_

But it didn't stop the wave of jealousy that ran through him.

_I can't survive this…_Spike realised. He had thought that staying away from her would mean she wouldn't risk herself again for a worthless cause…but, how could he do that when every bone in his body screamed at him to stay by her side and protect her? _What's more, I can't stand not knowing…I have to find out WHY she really loves him more, and then I have to be the man she wants me to be! I can't let it end this way!_

Spike stormed off, heading towards Buffy's house, hearing Angel telling Drusilla, "Lets get out of this damn town," as he left.

---------------

"Yes, Mrs. Summers, I'm fine. Yeah, Buffy stayed over last night after studying at my house. We both just feel asleep and didn't even realise it! She's staying for dinner and then will come home." Willow hung up the phone. "That was your mother wondering why you weren't there. Looks like the spell has worn off." She smiled.

---------------

Buffy walked slowly along the streets, feeling miserable. _I wonder how he's coping…dose he ever have nightmares too? Or has Drusilla made him forget about his time in hell already? _

Why couldn't she think of anything other than Spike?

Buffy rounded the corner to her driveway and stopped. Who was that standing at the front door, about to knock?

"Spike?"

He whirled around. "Buffy!"

For a second she almost threw herself into his arms, out of pure habit, but she held herself back just in time.

"Where's your Drusilla?" she asked snidely, then added, "Don't bother answering that. I don't want know and I don't want to see you. Get out of here."

Spike took a step towards her, his eyes pleading. "Buffy, just answer me one thing and I'll leave you alone. What does he have…that's so much more than what I can give you? Is it the soul?"

Buffy looked at him blankly, not knowing what he was going on about. "Spike," she said, unable to stop herself, "Why did you lie to me, when the results ended up being the same? You left me for _her. _You never stopped loving her – "

"You never stopped loving _him._" Spike said at the same time.

They both froze, staring at each other.

_He…he thinks I left him for Angel? _

_She…she thinks I left her for Dru? _

"This is…. THIS IS STUPID!" Buffy burst out. She grabbed the front of Spike's shirt, yanking him close, staring into his eyes frantically, trying to make him see how much she loved him, how much she always had. For too long they had let other people interfere, for too long they had used words wrongly, took things the wrong way, and ignored the evidence that was there all along, the evidence that they needed no words to prove.

Spike looked into her eyes and he understood.

"Yeah." He pulled her close. "Yeah, it is stupid."

-------------

Buffy and Spike sat side by side together on the front steps, their hands entwined. They had sat there for ages, neither saying a word, comfortable just being together.

"Did you…did you suffer much when you were there, alone in hell?" Buffy asked quietly, feeling like she had to know.

Spike was quite for a while before he spoke. "I only spent a little while in there…when you think you're going to be spending eternity in such a place…you lose hope very quickly. You forget about the world, you forget about what you once where…and it's very easy to slip into insanity. But Buffy, even when you weren't with me, you were my lifeline, loving you, I couldn't forget about this world. And that's what kept me sane."

"Do you…do you have nightmares?"

"Only when you're not with me."

Buffy nodded, "Same."

They sat in silence for a while longer, and then, once again, both started to speak at the same time.

"Buffy I never meant to hurt you, I made some really stupid decisions, it's just that, loving you it made me so – "

"Spike, I'm sorry it's just that I was – "

They broke off, looking at each other. "Scared," they finished together.

For a moment they were both too shocked to say anymore.

Then Buffy smiled slowly. "I understand, Spike. Finally, I understand."

"I know I'm a monster and I don't have a soul but I'll always stay by your side as long as you let me – "

"Spike, you know you're different and I consider you much more than just a vampire, so don't say those things. I understand."

Spike nodded, relieved.

"I won't let anything come between us again Buffy," he declared firmly.

-----------------

"Ahhh! I can HEAR the kissing!" Xander shrieked, covering his ears.

"Xander," Willow laughed, throwing a pillow at him. "Just pretend their not there and watch the movie."

"Why did bleach boy even have to come?" he whined.

Buffy broke away from her making out session with her boyfriend. "Xander, really. You're the one who _invited _Spike over."

"So what if I did? He should know that was just being polite, can't he read the fine print, ie. Let Buffy go, but don't come yourself?" Xander complained, but they all knew he didn't really mean it.

Xander turned his attention back to the movie, while Buffy and Spike tried to pay attention but kept getting distracted by each other.

Willow watched the odd couple, smiling to herself. Buffy was truly happy again, she could see that and she felt relieved because she knew the slayer needed it in her life. Angel had gone back to LA, bringing Drusilla with him. He still kept in touch with Buffy, phoning her up every now and then just to see how she was doing, but Angel understood that a romantic relationship could never exist between them again.

Apparently, Drusilla had known right away that Angel still had his soul, but she had gone along with it because she had been " bored." Her words. Later, Angel said she had wandered off, and he had spied her making out with a chaos demon that she seemed to be spending more and more time with. As long as Drusilla had someone to play with, she didn't seem to mind that Buffy had Spike, and Willow had the feeling that the vampiress had learned her lesson.

It didn't matter if Spike couldn't bring himself to stake Drusilla, or if Buffy still cared for Angel.

It was clear to everyone that there was only one person the vampire and the slayer each loved, they may have more obstacles in the future, but one thing would always remain the same, would always be there, if they just took the time to look below the surface and not get overwhelmed by fear or jealousy. Buffy and Spike loved and understood each other like no one else could.

And nothing could come between or change that.

* * *

The End!!

_Hope you all enjoyed. Was the ending too sappy? Sometiems I just cant control what I write :P I think it turned out quite a different fic from the first one? Hmm maybe not, I can't really remember lol. Well I was aiming to finish this story before the end of the year and I managed to **yay!** So I want to wish you all a very happy new year! Thank you for reading and thank you so much to all those who have taken the time to review :)_


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